i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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