I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
