Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
