It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
