If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
