I'm so fucking centered right now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
