its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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