What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I forgot how hot balto sounded
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
