wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
