So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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