Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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