I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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