i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
