Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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