Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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