i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
