I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize