wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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