Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
