i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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