im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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