Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
