You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
