stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
