i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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