I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
foreskin is a definite game changer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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