There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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