You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
