she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
