If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
