We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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