You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
