She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
