Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
