So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you would pick up someone in the library
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
