I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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