I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
