Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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