I just saw a hot homeless man
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
