Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
