she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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