she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've blown a few things in my day
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
