Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
