"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
