Little spoons don't ask big questions
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
