Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
