I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you win again, gameday.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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