He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
