Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Buhtt sex?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize