Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
