in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
