I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Vodka?
Forever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Randomize
