remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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