i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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