make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
