she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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