This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
