You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
