The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
