I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
