lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
