I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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