:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
