doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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