I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
