she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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