I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
