well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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