I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
