ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
