If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love you. Go after that dick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
