the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
