We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
