so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
