Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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