"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I deserve this hangover.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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