There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
