did you get engaged???
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
